This week in small group, we decided to toss the questions provided to guide discussion and simply dig into scripture on our own. Just your average college aged girl leading a group of high school girls in a study solely looking at the word of God, without any outside curriculum… A truly crazy idea, am I right?
Wrong. It’s not crazy at all. It’s a beautiful thing when you let God’s word speak for itself and allow room for the Holy Spirit to move. It’s an exciting thing to see young women read a passage of scripture, pull out information, put it in their own words, and grasp its relevancy.
The topic of the night was boys. I didn’t want to have a surface level discussion about crushes and peer pressure. Those are all things I as their small group leader am there to talk about with them, but are also all things that scripture can speak to. That night I wanted to have a discussion rooted in scripture that taught them that God’s word is as relevant now as it was 2,000 years ago.
So listen up, ladies. My high school girls are about to teach you a thing or two about what a man of God really looks like. Here’s what we learned by walking verse by verse through Ephesians 5:
v1: He is an imitator of God.
v2: He walks in love.
v3: He isn’t characterized by sexual immorality, impurity, or covetousness/idolatry.
v4: His speech isn’t full of filthy/foolish talk or crude jokes. He also exudes thankfulness.
v6: He doesn’t deceive you with empty words.
v7: We are not to enter into intimate relationship with people who are characterized by these things because they will “dull your shine.”
v8-10: He walks in light and strives to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.
v15: He walks wisely.
v16: He uses his time wisely.
v17: He seeks God.
v18: He doesn’t get drunk and is instead filled with the Spirit. Real life quote of one of my girls: “He’s not hunky if he’s a drunky.”
v21: He reveres (has great respect for) Christ.
v23: He is a Christlike leader.
v25: He loves you as Christ loves the church and makes sacrifices for you.
v26: He is interested in your sanctification (your growth, your process of becoming more like Christ).
v28: He loves you as he loves his own body.
v29: He nourishes and cherishes you.
v33: We are to respect him.
Note: These qualities are things we should all strive for, whether we are a man or a woman. In this context, though, we were finding qualities we should be looking for in a future husband.
We were able to walk through this passage and gain an understanding of the type of guy we should be looking, praying, and waiting for. We talked about understanding that we are all sinful and will all fall short of these things (so not to hold ourselves and others to outrageous or legalistic expectations), but to be aware that if someone is continually showing a pattern of red flags we should reevaluate whether a relationship with them is healthy or not. We shared stories, struggles, and spent time encouraging each other. It was truly a sweet time together, and guess what? All we needed was God’s word and His presence!